


the first week

by jarpadcutie (starkleckis)



Series: working out my HTTYD grief through bad writing [1]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon, how to train your dragon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 15:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17921864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkleckis/pseuds/jarpadcutie
Summary: "For the first week, Hiccup didn't sleep one bit."-*-*-*-How can Hiccup be a chief if he can't figure out how to move on?





	the first week

**Author's Note:**

> okay hii
> 
> I haven't written in a long time but I saw httyd3 yesterday and I'm an emo little bitch
> 
> I hope you guys like this bc I do!!
> 
> this will eventually be the first part in a series so if you like it stay tuned bc I’m still a sad boi and I’m probably gonna keep writing whether people actually like this or not

For the first week, Hiccup didn’t sleep one bit.  
  
A torch burned in his tent night after night until the morning, with the young Viking occupying himself by working on his new prosthetic and trying to get rid of everything that reminded him of Toothless.  
  
Toothless. The one constant in Hiccup’s life, the one who had always been there for him, his oldest and best friend, was gone. Deep down, Hiccup had always had a small little voice in the back of his head telling him that it couldn’t last, everything was going too well, and soon things would fall down around them. He just didn’t think it would happen quite so soon.  
  
Hiccup wiped the tears threatening to fall away, putting on the brave face he’d been doing his best to show every day when they had a village meeting. No one knew what to do without their dragons, and they kept asking Hiccup as if he had a map to this just like he did everything else. He wished he had the answers. He wished he could help his people. He wished he could move on.  
  
The flap on his tent opened and his mother appeared, her tired eyes catching the morning sun. If Hiccup’s face looked anything like hers, then he was doing a terrible job of hiding his real feelings. She moved a pile of discarded books to the side and walked to sit on the edge of Hiccup’s cot.  
  
Hiccup knew this past week had been hard for Valka, probably even harder than it was for him. Valka had spent years with dragons as her only company, building herself a family when she knew her ideas wouldn’t be accepted by her own. She’d known Cloudjumper for almost as long as Hiccup had been alive, and had set him free just like all of the others.  
  
There was clear strain on her face. Deep bags sunk beneath her eyes, which were puffy and red. Her eyes, which normally shone the same bright green as Hiccup’s, seemed to have lost their light, as if the color had flown away with their friends. Her hair, which had already started turning gray, seemed duller and thinner.  
  
Nothing needed to be said. Neither of them had slept and both longed for company. Hiccup moved to the end of his cot and sat next to her, leaning into the space left by her outstretched arm. He was so thankful to have his mother here with him, he could have cried again.  
  
“Construction starts today.”  
  
The words hung in the air. Hiccup wished they could return to Berk, especially with their dragons, but neither could happen. Rebuilding Berk without the dragons would be too hard for everyone, and the damage left behind by Grimmel would be difficult to come back from even with flying construction workers. New Berk was a new beginning for the Vikings, without dragons and without threats.  
  
“When do you leave?” Hiccup turned to look up at Valka, who was staring at the floor absentmindedly.  
  
“Later this morning. Eret is readying the crew now.”  
  
Valka and Eret were sailing back to Berk to gather anything important that still remained. The few ships Berk still had had been filled with injured dragons and animals on the voyage over, not leaving a lot of room for their non-living cargo. So far, the shopping list included some small statues and the majority of Hiccup’s library, as well as metal from the Smithy and as much iron as they could transport. Valka squeezed Hiccup’s shoulder and moved away, standing.  
  
“Be careful, okay? You don’t have Cloudjumper to protect you now,” Hiccup said quietly, and his mother smiled sadly. She left the tent, her shadow streaming down the side before disappearing completely.  
  
Hiccup reached for his prosthetic which lay on his side table. He’d modified an older version to get around, but without a working Smithy he was struggling to get it the way he wanted. It was pinching and made an awful squeaking noise, probably on account of all of the dragon slobber which had dried in it after years of use.  
  
He ran a hand over his face. There would be _so_ many questions today.  
  
-*-*-*-  
  
Hiccup knew Astrid was following him. He would have followed too if he’d seen a breakdown like that.  
  
Throughout everything, he’d done his best to keep a level head. He tried not to show his emotions to anyone, he’d nearly bursted while answering the _stupidest_ questions, and he’d managed to not get angry once.  
  
But when emotions get pent up and sleep is staved off, explosion is imminent. Hiccup had screamed at his people for nearly ten minutes because he didn’t know what to do and didn’t have all of the answers and wished that people would think for themselves once in a while instead of following him blindly because “that’s how we got into this mess in the first place!”  
  
Before anyone had been brave enough to speak, Hiccup had run off, grabbed an axe, and ventured into the woods.  
  
On Berk, whenever he’d been trying to get away from his father or he was stressed, he would go to the valley where he first met Toothless. It was secluded and quiet, and Toothless had room to run around and play with Terrible Terrors while Hiccup sat to think. Now, he didn’t really know where he was going, but if he heard another word out of Spitelout in the next three days, he was going to take his head off. He had to get away.  
  
He stopped in an empty clearing and screamed and cried and threw his axe at all of the trees in his vicinity for nearly fifteen minutes before Astrid showed her face. She walked up and took the axe from him, tossing it to the ground a few feet away. Through his tears, he could see her sad eyes pleading with him to let her in, let her help him. His head fell and he felt her arms wrap around his waist. Hiccup put his face in Astrid’s neck and cried.  
  
He felt weak. Growing up with a father like Stoick the Vast, Hiccup had learned to be exactly that: stoic. Emotion was a sign of weakness, something your enemies could exploit and something which made you a weaker chief. But he just couldn’t hold it in anymore. From the way Astrid was shaking, it seemed like she couldn’t either.  
  
They stood there together for what felt like forever. Hiccup loved Astrid, he did, but neither of them had ever felt entirely comfortable around each other. They both ran away from the prospect of marriage because they were happy with where they were. They were the town sweethearts, the adorable couple who argued about who cared about the other more. Both of them had walls up and neither of them had been able to tear them down completely, not for lack of trying. But now, standing with her, he felt something new in their relationship that he didn’t ever want to let go.  
  
At some point, they moved to sit down in the tall leaves. Astrid held on fiercely, and Hiccup couldn’t tell if it was to comfort him or herself. He wiped his tears and nudged her shoulder to make eye contact.  
  
“I’m so sorry, Hiccup. I can’t even imagine how you feel,” Astrid said quietly, touching his face. He looked at his lap while she played with one of the braids in his hair.  
  
“I just feel- I don’t know. Numb I guess? I know that they’re happy and they’re where they belong but I just wish that where they belonged was with us. I mean, I haven’t gone more than a few days at a time without seeing him for five years and now I know that I may never see him again.”  
  
Astrid opened her mouth to reply, but no words came out. She just buried her head into Hiccup’s chest.  
  
-*-*-*-  
  
The sun was rising when Hiccup woke up.  
  
He sat up, looking around wildly in confusion. He was still in the same spot, in the leaves outside of town. Astrid still lay on his chest, snoring softly in the oblivion of sleep.  
  
Had he really just slept through an entire day? Had he really just slept for more than an hour at one time?  
  
He gently brushed Astrid’s hair out of her face and nudged her shoulder. When she sat up, their eyes locked and she smiled.  
  
“So you finally slept, huh?”  
  
When her question was answered by nothing more than a confused look, she continued.  
  
“You kept screaming in your sleep. Your heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to explode.”  
  
Hiccup groaned and fell back into the leaves, humiliated.  
  
Astrid smacked his shoulder playfully and gave him an incredulous look.  
  
“Hiccup, you have more right to be sad than anyone. No one is going to think of you as less of a leader if you show how sad you are. You created a whole new world for Vikings with and now you’re the one who has to create another one without them. That’s a lot on your shoulders, I mean, it would have been a lot on your dad’s shoulders. You don’t have to do this alone.”  
  
Hiccup grabbed her hand and kissed her forehead.  
  
“Thank you, Astrid. For everything.”  
  
In the second week, Hiccup slept with Astrid by his side.


End file.
